


The more you ask me, the more I've heard

by PiecesFallingFromMe



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-24 00:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8348299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiecesFallingFromMe/pseuds/PiecesFallingFromMe
Summary: Maybe Arizona never stopped loving Callie, and Callie never stopped loving her. Sometimes it's the things that remain unsaid that speak the loudest.





	

"So, Penny seems nice."

I glance sideways as the blonde peds doctor steps up beside me, her eyes focussing on the x-ray panels hanging on the screen in front of us. A skateboarding accident has us working together today; our 14-year-old daredevil of a patient has a severely broken femur and displaced pelvis, and it's going to mean a long day in the operating room for both of us. We don't often work together like this anymore – more often than not if a kid comes in I end up working with Alex, or merely having Arizona consult on the case before she goes off to save an unborn baby instead. Even six months ago, this would have felt awkward, but today...I'm almost glad to be spending the day with the familiarity of my ex-wife.

"Really? You like her?"

There's a momentary pause – barely a moment – before she answers, turning to give me a small smile.

"I really do. She seems sweet, and she's funny, she was easy to talk to...I can see why you like her so much."

Sighing slightly, I shove my hands deep into the pockets of my lab coat, looking back toward the x-rays, studying one of the larger fractures. Flashes of Friday night's disastrous dinner party come to the forefront of my mind.

"You might be the only one in the hospital who thinks that now."

"Do you love her?"

The words slip from Arizona's lips quietly, and I glance over again as she reaches up to change a setting on the screen, increasing the brightness slightly. Her voice is steady, as if she was asking a medical question or inquiring about the surgery, but I can feel my body tense slightly as silence falls between us again, the question hovering heavily in the air.

"I..." I start, turning my head to look at her as she studies the screen, "we've only been seeing each other for two months, I don't...I don't know."

I answer lamely, watching as she crosses her arms over her chest, eyes still glued to the image.

"I think I could, maybe. Someday. It's...easy with her."

And that's the thing, I take a second to consider. It _is_ easy with Penny. She's nice, she's funny, she's pretty, we like the same things – we get along perfectly and we don't argue. But yet - I study the woman beside me, my eyes drifting over loose blonde waves, following the gentle curve of her jaw and the outline of her profile – something about my ex-wife still stirs feelings inside of me. Something about the sound of her voice, and the way her body moves, the way her dimples pop when she smiles...it all still sends something running through my veins, makes me feel alive in a way that's entirely different and entirely more...whole. Things were easy with Arizona, too, but they were also difficult, and challenging, and frustrating. She made me work harder, but she made me feel _more_. There was an intensity; a passion with her that started immediately when we met and never really dissipated throughout the entirety of our relationship, no matter how many struggles we were facing.

And if I'm honest, I don't see myself having that passion with Penny. Love? I could see myself loving her. But what Arizona makes me feel, even after all our time apart, is just...it's so much more than that.

She turns to look at me then, arms falling to her sides, and her piercing blue gaze fixes on mine. For the first time in almost two years, I don't immediately look away.

"If you think you love her, Callie, then fight for her. Don't let what Meredith, or Amelia, or anyone else feels push you away. Don't..."

She falters for a brief moment, and something flashes across her eyes as she looks at me. Arizona has always broadcast her emotions through her gaze – she can bottle her feelings up, she can control her body language and her words and betray nothing from the tone of her voice, but her eyes? They always give her away. And I know those beautiful blue eyes better than I know almost anything in this world.

"Arizona..."

I speak her name softly, my hand reaching out to grasp hers. She doesn't pull it back, but she glances down quickly before looking at me again, an unmistakable tinge of pain and regret colouring her eyes.

"Don't let her go. Don't screw it up."

She pulls her hand away then, and my skin burns with heat where we were touching just a moment ago. She holds my gaze for just a second longer and I fight to swallow the emotions swelling inside me, the way my heart is racing as...as the woman who was the love of my life seems to just... _see_ me. Like she always has.

Because she is still the love of my life.

"You'll regret it forever."

Her last words slip out quietly, gently as she turns away from me again to look at the x-rays, and I know that we're not talking about Penny anymore. Twenty-one months later, we're talking about us. Because there _is_ still an 'us' with her, and I don't think I can deny it any longer.

She slips her hands back into her pockets, silent for a minute before she reaches up and points at something, forcing my eyes to tear away from her face and look at the screen.

"So what's your plan with the pelvic fracture? I'm assuming you'll need to set that before you start work on the femur."

"I..." my brow furrows a bit and I jam my hands into my lab coat to resist reaching out for her, taking a step closer to see where she's pointing, "uh, yeah. The pelvis doesn't seem to be too bad off, just that small fracture and it's a touch misaligned. I'll set that, and then we'll open up her leg. You should be able to take care of the spleen at the same time."

The blonde nods, glancing at the watch on her left wrist. I gave her that watch for our first anniversary.

"I'm going to grab a coffee before it's time to start. Want me to bring you one? Edwards should be back in a minute with the new CT results, so we can make sure nothing's changed since this morning."

She's slipped back into professional mode and I can't help feel a twinge of sadness as she gives me a smile, one dimple showing slightly as she tilts her head in question. She still feels something for me – of that much I'm suddenly certain. Maybe...she never stopped. That realization slams into me like an oncoming train, and I just stare at her, unable to even process what comes next. What could come next. What I _want_ to come next.

"Arizona, I'm-"

I can't help the small smile that tugs at my lips as I meet her eyes again, ever so briefly. I could love Penny, I very easily could, but I want to love Arizona. I _do_ love Arizona.

And maybe...maybe she still loves me too.

"That'd be great."

.

.


End file.
